Red

Day job, school, night job, social life, love life, family life. Those are the priorities. The three towards the end often switch order; actually, they can be easily jumbled into one ball of interaction and pseudo-joy. Those are the hardest to attend to at the moment. I miss my dad. And my mom. These days, I talk to them separately, on different phones - with him, his cell phone; with her, her business phone. It's like they're physically separated, but they're not. Only emotionally. That's worse, actually. But it has been thirty years.

My boyfriend and I talked last night. After two years of whatever we've been doing, I asked if he'd consider marrying me. If it was a possibility. Not that I want to get married now; I'm not ready. I'm to get my bachelor's degree before I do anything else. But I kind of needed to know - I likened it to taking on an entry-level job with the possibility of promotion, moving within the company. If that's not even a possibility, then you wouldn't stick around long. Enough to make some money and save. But not long enough to become attached, so you could move on to the next opportunity. It sucks if you love the location, or how your chair gives you the support it needs. But without the possibility, it would be better to move on.

So at least I was made more certain of the possibility.

So, social/love/family life. I can't wait for the moment where I'll have the time to take it all in and enjoy it, to friggin' breathe - or to at least feel that my eight-to-five is being put to good use along the terms of my perspective outside of obvious monetary dependancy. But I realized a long time ago that in order to fuel our own dreams, we might have to fuel someone else's for a while.

As the days go by, again I must mention - October is just around the corner. My absolute favorite time of year. Sweaters and pumpkins, pumpkin pie and colored leaves. Cool with the warm. Another autumn. Another year.