Long day

Indeed. With the debate last Friday, moving Steven into his new place this past weekend, work, school, brain-storming, and attempting to get as reasonable an amount of sleep as possible, it's just been one long unending day. it's felt this way pretty much for the past two weeks. I think I need a vacation. In about a month and a half, my request will have been met. I can be patient.

I called my folks this evening on the way home from class, to thank them for their support in the last few years, but especially during a time when things had gone particularly badly in my corner of the world. I was reading through some of my old LiveJournal entries circa winter 2004 and it was just ... a horrible place to have been in. Without saying much, I can sum up things by stating that I was left for dead, emotionally and [as a result] physically. But my parents helped me out - fed me, letting me sleep on their couch for a few weeks, and giving me reason to consider smiling again. I try to keep buried how I felt at the time, how skinny I was, and how it never seemed to stop raining. Sometimes it feels like it's still raining, but it's not pouring like it was. Dare I say, I've become more authentic, because as much as I don't say so I suppose I've plenty to be proud of as a functioning human being. I'm on my way to university; I'm managing funds; I'm gaining experience in writing, all thanks to those few weeks of intervention. Those things, including and because of family, are most important. So I thanked them for being there, when it was most needed, and always. I figured why not let them know. We're only given this moment; it's up to us what we do with it.

Huge sidepoint that was. In other news, while watching the "Morning Inspiration" show on BET Sunday morning, the preacher was telling the congregation how we must 'fight temptation, talk to the Lord so we can fight temptation'. . . but you know something; I haven't dealt with temptation of that sort since I stopped going to church a few years ago. Now maybe this is just me, but when I was a church-goer I would panic about falling into temptation; "get behind me, Satan", have mercy. Now, temptation to me is fighting the urge to have a piece of saltwater taffy before bed.

Ah, so. Life's going okay. Did I mention that I'm ready for a vacation?

Nomad

12:30 am came so quickly.

It's been a good week so far. I kind of feel like I've been living out of a track and field bag since Sunday, and I think I know why. . . it's because I have been. This weekend I was helping my boyfriend get some things together for his big move this week (from San Clemente to La Verne). Last night, with the same bag, I headed to my folks' house to make pumpkin pies in celebration of the first day of autumn (you're here, darling; I've missed you so). Today, I still had the bag with me, having taken it to class, heading home with it at about 11:00 pm. And I can tell you this - tomorrow night I'll be taking it to my sister's in Agoura Hills for the evening; Thursday it will accompany me again to late-night schooling; and Friday afternoon I'll be taking it back down to San Clemente to get everything situated on Steven's end. Then I'll be back in Los Angeles on Sunday, trusty bag still in tow.

I like being everywhere, in a way. It's nice to be on the go. Tonight is one of two evenings that I'll be sleeping in my bed this week. But I wouldn't have it any other way, for now.

As you can probably see in the upper left-hand corner, I made a blog as a sort of archive for the Transit LA posts I wrote with Cityzine. Since transitioning over to BeatCrave.com has me focusing primarily on music (per my request), I thought it would be nice to keep some news and upcoming events in relation to transportation in Los Angeles. It was fun writing it, and I don't want to not, know what I'm sayin'? So feel free to check there every week or so, should the urge strike you.

Okay, I really don't know why I'm still up. . . I was going to treat myself to going to sleep at 11:30 pm for having gotten home from class earlier than expected. Guess my brain had other plans.

Paper faces on parade

tingly green-mint showers
getting my smile back
securing the apartment
heading down the 5
over-sized sunglasses
thoughts about BeatCrave
clouds over the ocean
and avenida del mar
domestic understanding
pseudo-rejection
ohnotheydidnt
fuck yes, i did

Don't wake me

Yesterday was a good day. The afternoon was even better, although I can't help but feel that when I actually attempt to convey a wonder of mine with honesty that I've botched the evenflow of whatever, and ever; amen. I'm so critical of self. I've traded a lot of bad self-views and perceptions for good ones, but that one in particular I can't shake. When it comes to audible words, my body, my skin, and all-around type in relative comparison - eh - confidence wanes. But I have a feeling I'm far from the exception.

In an exercise involving years of acquired ambiguity, I'll just say that it's hard to not keep self from feeling something that you would love to dive head-first into, even if it would last just a moment. Not out of any respect to our society's view of the conventional relationship, by any means, but in relation to individuals and their views. My track history shows that I give more glory to people/places than should be given, so it's more than likely an indelible trait I won't get rid of in this lifetime. But at least i recognize that's all it is.

So, I slept in until 7:30 am.
I don't have to be anywhere until 11:30.

That - spells relief.

Good to go

This week has been something else. Internal, external stuff. I've been busy with everything. But I've gotten so much done.

Last night, the night before, and I believe even the night before that, I was so tired that I must have drifted out of consciousness without falling asleep; it felt like I was drunk without a thing having passed my lips (except for Fresca). It's just been an off week, but it's almost over. I don't know if I've been more relieved.

Tomorrow afternoon I'm thinking of having lunch with my ex/good friend, who I don't refer to as an ex except when emphasizing that it's possible for one to be good friends with someone they used to have rampant sex with (there was a relationship somewhere in there, as well). What a shame and waste of invested time, to throw someone away because of a break-up, merely because of the world's trend in doing so. Last time I heard, break-ups aren't synonymous with death, so unless the other person was so misguided that they took on the role of asshole without realization, I don't have a verifiable reason to give someone up just because a dynamic has changed.

Not much to report other than I'm doing pretty well in school, and the writing is going well. And I'm welcoming sleep with open arms, like, right now. The rest of the weekend will be busy - my squid's last in San Clemente - but I'm looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday. Maybe we'll even get to sleep in Sunday. Oh God, just the thought of sleep is right up there with food and all other physical satiations. I never understood it until now - but I'm always saying that about something.

Happy place

Friday night late-night corporate breakfast
Saturday housewarming party on the lawn
catching the Gold Line at Del Mar to Union Station, to Los Feliz
a few-hours-long spoken word/poetry reading on Vermont
red, red wine, the first time since Parsons in '06
veggie royale at Fred 62
cheesecake, "Barrack is Beautiful", "Rehab is for Quitters"
lights off, love on
one review down, three to go
brunch, with him and his best-laid plans
anticipating afternoon sleep

Bare necessities

Last night found us driving through Beverly Hills on Wilshire towards the El Rey. I don't think I've consciously been through the city before, especially when driving next to a [rented] Rolls Royce. For how beautiful and rich it was (in the way of the green, not so much diversity), I found it strange how I felt so alien in a neighborhood that exists in my backyard. My boyfriend - a native New Yorker - and I - a native Angeleno - met at the middle of the same conversational bridge: that as much as Los Angeles boasts being big city, it really consists of little cities scattered about that don't really belong together. There's no real consistency. In New York, at least my experience has been that whether you're on Park Avenue, in the Village, Gramercy Park; or Union Square, Williamsburg, or any other borough in Brooklyn, you've the opportunity to feel connected to every mile of the city. Again, that's been my experience. I can get there. I can't really get to Beverly Hills or Santa Monica from my neck of the woods, and to be honest, outside of lunching with a friend, I don't know if I'd want to.

At least there's going to be some catching up in the way of public transportation in the city. The bigger the population is getting, it only makes sense. For every person to own a car and further congest the streets/damage the climate is a ridiculous notion. I'll attempt to base future transit posts on this in the weeks to come.

Anyway, we saw Brooke Fraser at the El Rey last night. She was something beautiful. I think I'll be getting her album (Albertine) off of iTunes. Do check her out.

We're going to a poetry event type deal at Skylight Books this evening (Milo Martin and the Utopian Nihilists), and were thinking that maybe, just maybe we could hit up Fred 62 afterwards. I mapped the locales. They're 213 feet away from each other.

It's a freakin' go!