Give and Take

Whether networking, dating, being friendly or otherwise, life seems to be about what you can gain from either a person or situation. Know the right people, be in the right place at the right time, and leave your mind open so as to capitalize on the right opportunity. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

All three aforementioned social circumstances, however, involve giving something of yourself in order to keep gaining whatever it is that you want. Whether its more contacts, more sex, or the impression that more people like you, it's this idea of validation that keeps things rolling. If people know who you are, you will likely get whatever it is that you want.

Some people give more than they take, others take more than they give. When you really think about it, both stances are completely self-serving. Interestingly, both stances stand to lose a lot more than they expect. Whether or not it is realized is the question.

Along with family and a general morale, I have always believed in balance. Without balance comes chaos. If one cog in the machine is loose, you have to replace it.

I have had a general luck with other people as far as balance and chaos is concerned. I tend to befriend people who are as balanced as I am. Sure, we've all got our neuroses and worries about how we come across to the other. We're cranky and get irked with each other but in the end we fit pretty damned well. Relationships are a lot more interesting. Strong intellectual connections serve as foreplay to a form of sexual expression that, well, needs expressing, and often. Professionally I am able to do the job, but sometimes am too eager, optimistic. Very much "I'm the Guy" without being a kiss-ass. That said, if given the chance, I manage to impress. In all cases I'd like to think I give my fair share in an attempt to show that I am worth taking a chance on. In short, I am not a user - and so I give.

So imagine how the idea of being considered disposable makes my stomach turn. Dependent on circumstance, in the instance when things end, are redefined by omission, or are no longer mutual, I tend to wonder if I gave all that I could, if there was something I could have done differently. Only now am I realizing that I give just enough - that it's up to others to give as much or merely take. That it's not worth feeling horrible because in my experience, you can never successfully hold a mirror in front of a habitual user's face.

If only there were a scientific balance for flesh-and-blood relations. I'd like to think that my conundrum and pseudo-self-analyzation will contribute to someone else's million dollar idea.

Revival

I have decided to breathe some life into this thing because as of late, life in itself has been far too interesting. Yes, I realize that "interesting" is a relative term, that's why they call this personal blogging. In addition to being interesting, I have also found it to be absolutely hilarious - both in good and bad connotations - so much so that to not resurrect this thing would be a completely inappropriate move.

Since I last updated here, my relationship status has been set to single for the first time in three and a half years. I didn't realize how huge a part of my life being a couple was until recently trying my hand at dating/casual "interactions". Naturally, after a paltry three months of testing the waters (and diving in - thanks, Jack Daniels), I'm feeling kind of spent. First of all, the germophobe in me has never taken kindly to waiting any length of a three-month window period. Secondly, we all can't be Samantha Jones, or hell, even Miranda Hobbes (who, face it, got a lot of action in seasons 2 and 3 of Sex & the City). Were that there were really a balance... in attempting to broaden my social circle, I intend to find that out.

Since last updating here, I have also severed ties with the corporate world - or rather, they have with me. After five years of living in the shadow of multiple mergers I'm growing accustomed a somewhat flexible schedule consisting in part of meeting deadlines for the websites I contribute to (BeatCrave.com and WorkingAuthor.com), among other things. That said, I am either super busy or not at all, with the lack of corporate consistency proving to be a godsend as well as weighing heavily on the nerves.

I am also trying out some personal projects, one of which has garnered attention within the Los Angeles bicycling community (and surrounding counties); others involving a novel and two screenplays - the latter two ventures I will need to seek out a mentor for, I'm sure. I really have no idea what I'm doing. At this stage, I am merely trying, with not yet too bad an outcome. We'll see what takes place in the next six months.

One of the aforementioned projects - being a transportation/bicycling blog - is my pride and joy, as it mostly revolves around my adventures without a car in Los Angeles. Needless to say, it provides a lot of material and has been given backbone support by the interwebs. That said, with all the writing I've been doing (for at least the last twelve years) I hope to get into personal writing again... as well as quip on life, love, pop culture and politics in general, or whatever else may arise.

I remember once saying that my mind is a minefield of snippets. I guess it never hurts to watch your step.