Give and Take

Whether networking, dating, being friendly or otherwise, life seems to be about what you can gain from either a person or situation. Know the right people, be in the right place at the right time, and leave your mind open so as to capitalize on the right opportunity. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

All three aforementioned social circumstances, however, involve giving something of yourself in order to keep gaining whatever it is that you want. Whether its more contacts, more sex, or the impression that more people like you, it's this idea of validation that keeps things rolling. If people know who you are, you will likely get whatever it is that you want.

Some people give more than they take, others take more than they give. When you really think about it, both stances are completely self-serving. Interestingly, both stances stand to lose a lot more than they expect. Whether or not it is realized is the question.

Along with family and a general morale, I have always believed in balance. Without balance comes chaos. If one cog in the machine is loose, you have to replace it.

I have had a general luck with other people as far as balance and chaos is concerned. I tend to befriend people who are as balanced as I am. Sure, we've all got our neuroses and worries about how we come across to the other. We're cranky and get irked with each other but in the end we fit pretty damned well. Relationships are a lot more interesting. Strong intellectual connections serve as foreplay to a form of sexual expression that, well, needs expressing, and often. Professionally I am able to do the job, but sometimes am too eager, optimistic. Very much "I'm the Guy" without being a kiss-ass. That said, if given the chance, I manage to impress. In all cases I'd like to think I give my fair share in an attempt to show that I am worth taking a chance on. In short, I am not a user - and so I give.

So imagine how the idea of being considered disposable makes my stomach turn. Dependent on circumstance, in the instance when things end, are redefined by omission, or are no longer mutual, I tend to wonder if I gave all that I could, if there was something I could have done differently. Only now am I realizing that I give just enough - that it's up to others to give as much or merely take. That it's not worth feeling horrible because in my experience, you can never successfully hold a mirror in front of a habitual user's face.

If only there were a scientific balance for flesh-and-blood relations. I'd like to think that my conundrum and pseudo-self-analyzation will contribute to someone else's million dollar idea.